Through absolutely no efforts of my own, I get leaned on a lot to offer advice or guidance to the people in my life. It's been called "perspective" at times because, as best I can tell, people want to know how I see a situation in life. Well it is past time I talk to myself and get some answers in my own life.
Dear Adam (me),
I am at a crossroads in my life. I feel, constantly, like my life is falling apart. I broke up with my girlfriend of just over 10 years. I don't want to go back into that, at all, but I think it helps shape where I am now. I gave up custody of my dog (how sick does that sound) to my ex-girlfriend because she has more time to play with him and keep him exercised than I do. My brother works a complete opposite shift than I do and all of my cousins are married. My friends either live far enough away to require a flight or far enough away to require a two hour drive that often times I don't feel motivated to make after a Friday at work or a Saturday morning after finally getting a chance to sleep in after the work week.
Without knowing about this sense of loneliness, my friends and family lean on me for advice, guidance and something that's come to be termed "perspective." And I have never minded until recently. The problems just keep existing. They manifest themselves in different forms and appear in different ways, but they are always the same problems recycled. I believe I am always offering sound advice. And I believe it is the proper way to resolve something. So why do the same problems keep coming round and round? Am I a bad guide? Has the direction my life has gone made me not care, and thus my guidance is becoming worthless? Let me tell you some of the things I have been asked to deal with lately:
- I have a friend I became real close with over the last three years who obviously has chemical dependencies. But when I'm not physically there, he always slips right back into it.
- I have a friend with very low self confidence, and that is the root of everything we've ever talked about but he refuses to see it, despite the hints I've been giving for years.
- I have another friend with very low self confidence who skates by but can't see the success lying just around the corner, and won't turn it.
- I have a friend who tries to talk to me constantly but can't.
And that's just being topical. Twice in the last month I have seriously contemplated telling these friends that "I am not the guy to talk to anymore." I feel the burdens of their worlds and the burdesn of my own weighing down on me, and it's heavy. I'm writing you today because I would like to have your "perspective" on this.
Sincerely,
Adam
Dear Adam,
Take a deep breath. Life isn't meant to be easy. The reason life is difficult is because the people with the strength to weather the storm shine through as the friends people can count on. And I think, if you look closely, you will see that these friends would pick you first, everytime, to captain their ships if they were stranded in the sea of life. They don't come to you to be a cheerleader, there are other people in their lives for that. They know you won't offer your opinion unless asked for it, which is precisely why they ask you for it. They know the advice, the guidance, you give them is sound. And the reason they seem to have the "same problem recycled" is because you are not a "one-hit wonder" in their lives. You are a rock in each of their lives, and sometimes when the waters get too high, they need to stand on you. And you have been given a gift, whether you asked for it not, that allows you to be solid. For yourself and for them.
Just as you would tell anyone else, life will work itself out. So stop worrying about yours. There are people who need you, and because you are a good friend, you will be there for them.
Always,
Adam (me)
